Snippets - Get Down & Dirty

"Down and dirty. All kids need a chance to be carefree and playful. Let her run around and make a mess in a sandbox or dirt; deal with the mess later."

- 1001Tips For The Parents Of Autistic Girls, Tony Lyons
picture credit 

NO Expectations, NO Disappointments

Here, is a cute picture I found, recently, Ivan was Christmas shopping we us at Compass point that Christmas. My little Prince with this crown, yes, I am one of those mums that allows my kid to wear a crown since he likes it. And to get him to feel comfortable, I would wear one along with him. Many people, have told us that they had no clue that Ivan had autism. Today, things look normal and fine, but years ago... that was not the case.

When I discovered that autism was invading Ivan's life, I guess, I had to deal with not only my own set of expectations but also those of our extended family members. I always thought that when push comes to shaft, I would turn to family for support and strength. I never realized that Peter and I was all alone on  this journey.

When we had our first born entered our lives, we felt so blessed. Both our families chipped in and helped us out always. He was a typical child and life was good. But when they found out on Ivan's condition, the

found it hard to understand him. He was seem as a child with a defect.

It was a very emotional time for me. I was sad. I was angry. I was confused. All I knew was that I was struggling and I needed help. Peter was struggling too, in his own way. There was an invisible tension and a huge gap between us. We knew we were there for each other and loved each other, but we both understood, that we needed to grief privately. At that point in time, I was angry with them for not being supportive. But now, I have grown and I understand that their ignorance got the better of them. Peter, taught me a valuable lesson, "Never expect too much from anyone, that way they cannot disappoint you."

Some professionals we met told us that, we should make an effort to talk to our extended families to get them to understand. I tired that, but it didn't really help. We were only starting to understand what autism was, and unless they wanted too, we would take a long time to explain stuff to them. Time that we could use to help Ivan instead.

Bread And Butter

It's been some time now, that Ivan has been making his breakfast  all by himself. I had to step it up when I became pregnant with Iggy. I wanted Ivan to be independent and not depend on me for his basic needs. So ever since day one, he had chosen two slices of bread with a load of Nutella, an overload actually.

 

We all love to have fresh white Gardenia bread, but wanting to eat more healthy, I sometimes mix it up. Expecting Ivan, to react to the change in bread, I was surprised, when he didn't react. He simply opened the wholemeal bread from the packaging and served himself two slices. From there, I explored with other brands too. It was progressing well but the Nutella had to stay as his constant. 

So every morning he would have made himself two slices of Nutella sandwiches. This morning, however, I was totally taken by surprise, when I found him having bread and butter. It was an beautiful surprise, he was trying out new things and this was just another example.

He opened the fridge and took out the butter...

Then he spread loads onto the bread and enjoyed it for breakfast. And this, was a new treat for me. I am so excited and scared at the same time, to see what new experiences are to come.

Packing Up

The Gomez's are moving, we have considered many pros and cons, and found that it was time for us to move into a bigger place. With the addition of Iggy into our lives and the new projects that we are looking into, we will need a bigger venue to hold the gatherings that we are planning. 

Having lived in the North for so many years, I know we will miss much as we move to Central Singapore. I know I will miss the wonderful cool breeze and the park I run in every morning for the past few years. Not forgetting the playgrounds, my first two boys tumbled and scraped their knees on, in their toddler years. The beach that was near home and the shopping malls around us. But with improvement comes change, and that change needs delicate balance, especialy for Ivan.

In order to get Ivan on board with the move, I decided to get him to pack up with us. It was so adorable! He packed up all his CDs and DVDs, into mini boxes and did an inventory for each box too.

Involving your child into such transitions are very important. It helps them anticipate the move and have some control on the situation. Just like us, children don't like to feel helpless and vulnerable. They want to know what is to come next and how they can be in control of their surroundings.

When we viewed the place we were buying, we actually asked Ivan which room he preferred and thankfully, both brothers chose different rooms, making it easier for us.

Ivan also gets to choose his furniture and fittings. The paperwork and sale of the property, is almost done and we are getting ready for the transition. I pray a gets on smoothly. I will update you guys, on Ivan's journey into our new home.

Snippets - Emotions

"As a parent, you did not choose to have a boy with autism. However, you can choose how you are going to react and what you are going to do about it. The first step is to acknowledge the emotions you are feeling. Realize that all parents go through these emotions- they are real and unavoidable. These emotions have been likened to the five stages of grief that a person goes through when faced with the death of a loved one. In this case, your son is still here, but what you are mourning is the loss of your expectations, of everything you had hoped and dreamed for with the birth of your son. The second step is learning all you can to help your child recover or reach his full potential"

1001 Tips For The Parenting Of Autistic Boys by Ken Siri

Chantal Sicile-Kira, www.chantalsicile-kira.com

It's Time For A Shirt

It's always outings after outings when my husband gets back in the country for a break. The kids miss him much and want their one to one time alone with him, as much as myself. 

As of late, I have noticed an interesting new thing going on with Ivan. He has been only picking out long sleeve shirts from his shelf, to wear each time we go out. Ivan used to only wear sleeveless t-shirts when he was young, as he had sensory issues. Then we transitioned into the normal short sleeve t-shirts and stayed there for many years. 

The long shelved shirts came much much later on his life. They wear kept for special occasions. But as of this month, most of our outings have been interestingly, attended with a casual smart attire, for Ivan. 

We are glad to see him make changes in his routines and its refreshing to see him try new things.

This one is a very old shirt, which I was surprised, that he could still fit into it.

Here's the same shirt, we wore to church.

And here it is again with a shirt as we head out for pancakes.