NO Expectations, NO Disappointments

Here, is a cute picture I found, recently, Ivan was Christmas shopping we us at Compass point that Christmas. My little Prince with this crown, yes, I am one of those mums that allows my kid to wear a crown since he likes it. And to get him to feel comfortable, I would wear one along with him. Many people, have told us that they had no clue that Ivan had autism. Today, things look normal and fine, but years ago... that was not the case.

When I discovered that autism was invading Ivan's life, I guess, I had to deal with not only my own set of expectations but also those of our extended family members. I always thought that when push comes to shaft, I would turn to family for support and strength. I never realized that Peter and I was all alone on  this journey.

When we had our first born entered our lives, we felt so blessed. Both our families chipped in and helped us out always. He was a typical child and life was good. But when they found out on Ivan's condition, the

found it hard to understand him. He was seem as a child with a defect.

It was a very emotional time for me. I was sad. I was angry. I was confused. All I knew was that I was struggling and I needed help. Peter was struggling too, in his own way. There was an invisible tension and a huge gap between us. We knew we were there for each other and loved each other, but we both understood, that we needed to grief privately. At that point in time, I was angry with them for not being supportive. But now, I have grown and I understand that their ignorance got the better of them. Peter, taught me a valuable lesson, "Never expect too much from anyone, that way they cannot disappoint you."

Some professionals we met told us that, we should make an effort to talk to our extended families to get them to understand. I tired that, but it didn't really help. We were only starting to understand what autism was, and unless they wanted too, we would take a long time to explain stuff to them. Time that we could use to help Ivan instead.

Emotions After Baby

After childbirth, my emotions have been on a roller coaster ride. Some emotions I understand , but there are some that I am confused about and some that I am ashamed off. I found it harder to bounce back after baby number 3.

Breastfeeding

With my first two boys, I simply graced through breastfeeding them. I had to return to work after two months of maternity leave. But things are different now, I have been blessed to be a stay home mum with my third born. I had chosen to exclusively breastfeed, little Iggy, and with that came a lot of emotions, I was new to.

It was a struggle in the beginning, but soon it became a smooth ride. But after a couple of months, I began to notice something weird. With hubby away on a job assignment, I have the whole king sized bed to myself. Occasionally, I would allow Iggy to share the bed should I be tired for the night feeds. It would be wonderful bonding with him as he latched on to feed. But after the feed, I would move away from him allowing for some space between us and I would turn facing the other direction to sleep. It made me feel comfortable, but I felt bad. Should I not want to admire my baby when he is asleep? Why do I want to look away? At times I do admire him as he sleeps. But by the time its nightfall, I just want to be alone.

I felt guilty of being a bad mother... that was until I read this article. It helped me so much, so I wish to share it with you.

(“The baby is physically on you, sucking on you, cuddling you - leaving you ‘touched out’ by the end of the day,” Saltz says.)

Tell Him

Yet another great thing about this article, was about telling your husband how you feel. Of course he knows, that you have just had a baby, and of course he knows that you are going through some changes. But sometimes, it's nice to hear it from us, that we still love them the same and that we are attracted to them, but we are just not up to it right now. You will come around soon, let him know.

Being a new mum is tiring no matter how many times you do it. Look at this picture of me, in the third week of bringing baby home. Who thinks of anything but sleep! But after a couple of months, hubby will feel anxious about where he stands. Many new mums become obsessed with baby that they forget that they are wives too. Sometimes, we may be ready for intimacy but feel bad about how we look.

Hubby may not understand that you need your "swag" back too. Stretch marks and excess fat, don't make any woman feel sexy. So take some time, get back your groove and then, you are set. 

I was getting a pedicure when I read this article, I decided that I needed to share it with Peter, so I emailed it to him. I mean, how was he suppose to know my emotions, if I myself could not understand them. He read it and got a better understanding of what I was going through. 

He was so sweet that he suggested that we started to work out together. He was so encouraging and showed me that he was there for me. I needed that. The first thing, he suggested was, that I ditched all my maternity clothes. As comfotable as they were, I was stuck in a rut. I had to get out of them. 

After that, it was healthy eating and exercise. I am glad I read this article, I hope it helps you too.

Here's the link

http://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/features/your-sex-life-after-baby