NO Expectations, NO Disappointments

Here, is a cute picture I found, recently, Ivan was Christmas shopping we us at Compass point that Christmas. My little Prince with this crown, yes, I am one of those mums that allows my kid to wear a crown since he likes it. And to get him to feel comfortable, I would wear one along with him. Many people, have told us that they had no clue that Ivan had autism. Today, things look normal and fine, but years ago... that was not the case.

When I discovered that autism was invading Ivan's life, I guess, I had to deal with not only my own set of expectations but also those of our extended family members. I always thought that when push comes to shaft, I would turn to family for support and strength. I never realized that Peter and I was all alone on  this journey.

When we had our first born entered our lives, we felt so blessed. Both our families chipped in and helped us out always. He was a typical child and life was good. But when they found out on Ivan's condition, the

found it hard to understand him. He was seem as a child with a defect.

It was a very emotional time for me. I was sad. I was angry. I was confused. All I knew was that I was struggling and I needed help. Peter was struggling too, in his own way. There was an invisible tension and a huge gap between us. We knew we were there for each other and loved each other, but we both understood, that we needed to grief privately. At that point in time, I was angry with them for not being supportive. But now, I have grown and I understand that their ignorance got the better of them. Peter, taught me a valuable lesson, "Never expect too much from anyone, that way they cannot disappoint you."

Some professionals we met told us that, we should make an effort to talk to our extended families to get them to understand. I tired that, but it didn't really help. We were only starting to understand what autism was, and unless they wanted too, we would take a long time to explain stuff to them. Time that we could use to help Ivan instead.

Snippets - Emotions

"As a parent, you did not choose to have a boy with autism. However, you can choose how you are going to react and what you are going to do about it. The first step is to acknowledge the emotions you are feeling. Realize that all parents go through these emotions- they are real and unavoidable. These emotions have been likened to the five stages of grief that a person goes through when faced with the death of a loved one. In this case, your son is still here, but what you are mourning is the loss of your expectations, of everything you had hoped and dreamed for with the birth of your son. The second step is learning all you can to help your child recover or reach his full potential"

1001 Tips For The Parenting Of Autistic Boys by Ken Siri

Chantal Sicile-Kira, www.chantalsicile-kira.com

Did Your Child Tell A Lie?

Many atimes, when a toddler tells you something that is other than the truth, we think that he is telling a lie. Look at it another way, could your child think that he is telling you the truth. The truth that to him happened in his fantasy? Children tend to have a hard time differentiating between fantasy and reality. That be said, see the depth of the situation, is the truth too far fetched or otherwise. Sit your child down, and explain. Ask your child questions such as 

• When did this happen?
• Where did it happen?
• Was anyone else there?
• What did you do after that?
• Are you sure you did not imagine/ dream about this?

The answers to these, should give you a vague idea as to where the truth is coming from. Children can be manipulative to get your attention, support and love. But they are not devious, to scheme lies. The next time, you think your child told a lie, give him the benefit of the doubt, and assess the situation first.

If you are caregiver or teacher, never label a child a liar. Always look into the situation, see if the children understands the difference between fantasy and reality.

"Another sign that children are distinguishing between reality and fantasy is the use of the word "pretend". Parents who introduce a word like "pretend" as they play with their two-year-olds usually find that their children pick up the term quickly. Once the two-year-old is familiar with the term, it becomes easier to discuss situations in which the difference between reality and fantasy is unclear. Imaginary thinking has both the power and limitations. It can create a powerful imaginary experience, but not directly change the real world. As children play out a variety of themes, and as parents talk to them about their pretending, children begin to appreciate this paradox."

Resources: Your Child At Play: Two to Three Years by Marilyn Segal, Ph.D.
picture credit 

My Persistent Boy

Holidays can be tough on kids who need a constant routine. Parents like me, are always stressed out when the holidays begin, as we need to occupy our kids, and deal with the fuss on the change of routine. And if your child is as persistent as mine, trust me you need a holiday. Here, a snap shot at how the June holidays began for me.

It's a Wednesday morning, into the wee hours of the morning. I had just finished feeding Little Iggy and have started to prepare breakfast for the boys to go off to school. For Ivan, it would be the last day of school.

Upon waking him up, I realized that he seem to be in a bad mood. He had proceeded to brush his teeth, but kept walking in a daze. I told him that he had to wash his face, but he kept walking back to the bedroom ignoring me. He never does that. That's when I realized that he was looking too sleepy for anything.

I had sent him to bed early but, I don't really know what time he had settled down. I used to check on him regularly before, but now with baby, I am exhausted. Looking at him, I knew he was in no condition to go anywhere.

I sent him off to bed, and my heart sank. This would mean that for Ivan the school holidays had begun. His school was having a camp the next two days, which Ivan was not attending, so here we go!

El off to school and Ivan back in bed, I decided to crawl back under the sheets again. But just then, Ivan gets up and says that he wants to go to school.

I told him the bus had left and he could go back to school. But he was not listening, now he was insisting on going to school. I hate days like these. They never go well for me and they seem to go on forever.

I send Ivan back to bed again, turned on the aircon to make it cozy for him, but no, he comes out again asking to go to school.

Finally, I told him that I did not want to be disturbed. And that I would talk to him at 9am. The good thing is, with Ivan once you give him a time to get back to him, he will wait and come back to you later. But he will come back and you have to follow through with the "appointment".

Sometimes, it's the little things like this that drain you...

I Am So Tired

The alarm goes off, and a new day begins. I know I have to get up to settle the boys, but I am just so tired. Tired from the million things that I have to do from dawn to dusk, and then redo it all over again. There are aches and pains that once meant something, now they seem to be a daily occurrence, that I don't have time to entertain.

There is a reason why they used to say, it takes a village to bring up a child. Trying to be that village, will only wear you out. Life can be very unpredictably challenging at times, I do get so angry but then I realize that it's just no use. Even being angry drains my energy.

And so my morning begins with, breastfeeding, the little one. Then eating, as that makes you hungry. Followed by getting up the boys for school. Ensuring that Ivan follows the schedule that is prepared for him. Oh, and then there are another thousand other things. Anyone who says that being a homemaker, is having a good life, obviously haven't tried it. 

I know writing, amongst a few other things, helps me relax and take a breather, thus, this entry. So now I must return to forever-work-land, where I am needed.

Good morning all, wish the day is a good one for all.

Speech Langauge Disorder- Apraxia

When we got wind of Ivan's challenges, I became frantically, looking for answers. Or rather, would I honestly, admit that I was looking for a cure. I just could not wrap my head around the idea that he had something we could not fix. The normalcy as we knew it in our lives, had been wrecked forever.

I tried to establish a routine for Ivan, and soon it became a night ritual for me. Peter had started to take overseas job projects, leaving me and the two boys alone. So, I would settle the boys both in the same room. First we would have Oreos and Milk, then we would go to bed, followed by soft instrumental music playing in the background. I say a night time prayer and tuck the boys in. El had always been rather independent and didn't like the mushy good nights. But Ivan would want me to sit by his side. I would sit in and watch him drift off to sleep. Once they were down for the night, my routine continues, as I broke down in tears and poured out my pain and anger. After a good cry, I would take a deep breathe and go over to my room and start reading and researching. The routine grew on me, and I would say that I found it healthy to let it out on a regular basis. One night, I stumbled on this article on Apraxia. I saw many symptoms that I related with, I figured that Ivan had this condition.

I came to know that autism was a landlord that had many other co-occupants too. And one of them in Ivan's case was Apraxia. Here are some info, that could help you know what it is.

"Apraxia - a neurological disorder that occurs when a child is unable to execute speech movements- the specific sequence of movements that results in proper speech- because of problems with coordination and motor planning. Apraxia does not involve muscle weakness. The child's brain is unable to plan and order motor activities so that the mouth can form the correct shapes to form words. The apraxic child knows what he wants to say, but his mouth isn't getting the correct messages to be physically able to say the desired words or sentences."

Within apraxia itself, there are two kinds, oral apraxia and verbal apraxia.

"Oral apraxia affects the child's ability to move his or her mouth muscles for intent other than speech, e.g., coughing or blowing out birthday candles."

"Verbal apraxia is identified when the child's ability to sequence speech sounds is impaired, again, not resulting from muscle weakness."

credits for picture

Book: Alphabet Kids: From ADD to Zellweger Syndrome by Robbie Woliver  

A Mother's Story

Look at this picture, the mama protects her little ones. Likewise, so do we. Mothers of children with special needs are like her. Tender and loving to our little ones, but we can tear you into pieces too. Here is a story of a loving mother, she shares her experience in her own words.

  ------------------------------------

My son has Aspergers.

Such a simple statement but it has impacted our lives so much. I have avoided writing this, pushing it all the way to the end of my TO-DO list for the last month because truly, sometimes even thinking about it can hurt. It is like opening a can of worms. I fell into a deep dark hole when we first found out about him and it took me a very long time to crawl out of it and just live again. So I was not too keen to revisit those “dark hole” years.

In this short entry, I will write about the early years after discovering my son’s condition – the struggle and the reactions from those around us and also the strategies we used to help him - and ourselves.

When I use the term ‘us’, I am referring to my husband and I. When we found out we were pregnant shortly after the wedding more than a decade ago, I was overwhelmed. I was fresh out of university, just started my first job and just married a stranger (mine was an arranged marriage haha!). So when my precious little one was born, amidst the flurry of managing a new job, new marriage, new house, new set of family members and new everything, I did not really pay much attention as to whether he was developing according to a neurotypical’s developmental milestones. 

When he did not seem to like my cuddles, I thought maybe I was not touching him right. When he still did not talk at 18 months, my in-laws said boys develop speech later, so – OK. However, when he was still walking on tiptoes at 30 months and he had huge tantrums over something as minor (to me, at least) as the weather or food texture, I hit the jam break. I have heard of the ‘Terrible Two’, but I could sense that something was not really right. And true enough, I soon got a call from the day care centre which I have enrolled him in just a couple of months earlier. Apparently, he had been displaying ‘certain odd behaviours’ in class, e.g. walking around the classroom, disinterested in lessons, rolling and pressing himself against the floor, licking the chalkboard and refusing the food offered during breaks – escalating into screaming fits if the food contained chopped fruits and vegetables. They thought he just needed adjusting but it had been three months and they said the staff could not handle him. So they told me to withdraw him.

I think that was the turning point for me. I began really observing him and reading up on a neurotypical’s developmental milestones, and that was when it dawned on that my little darling was not ‘normal’. As if coping with that was not difficult enough, the comments from others started coming in – ‘Why does he walk like that?’, ‘Why does he behave like that? You should teach your son to behave, you know.’ To cut a long story short, I did not know what to do with my adorable little gem. I became depressive, quit my job and cut off all contacts except with my mother. I could remember one very low point during that period when I was alone at home with him, trying to manage a tantrum. I was so frustrated with him that I just packed my little monster into a carton box in a bid to contain him. Yes, I was crazy and desperate. And yes, I tore up the box and took him out the very next minute.

Anyway, after the initial drama, thank goodness my mum and the never-say-die part of me eventually took charge. We consulted a pediatrician who worked with us to manage my little sweetheart. At that point, no specific diagnosis was made but the doctor identified issues that he was having, primarily sensory and social ones. (The diagnosis was only made when my son was six, as we were debating whether he should be in mainstream or a special school. Anyway, the final diagnosis was mild Aspergers so he is now in mainstream.) He was aversive to many textures, especially furry, hairy and woolly ones. And he had vestibular issues. He got cranky and started getting nausea when in moving vehicles or when taking rides. And yes, he basically lives in a world of his own. At about three years old, he could already talk but he still pulled at my hand to get my attention. And he showed no inclination to interact with his peers of the same age.

The doctor referred us to a slew of support services and in the end, I chose to focus on occupational therapy (OT) for his sensory issues and social play groups with two different centres to encourage social interaction. We also placed him in a day care facility which was equipped with the trained professionals to manage children with special needs. When he was five, I also embarked him on the Kumon journey. I know that not everyone is a Kumon fan. I just felt that their learning style suited my son. It was very structured and time-controlled, the steps are very systematic and predictable and the repetitive practices helped to reinforce his learning. Also, Kumon helped prepare him for the eventual school syllabus so that he already has a preview of the content to be taught prior to the topic being taught in class. Believe me, it helped tremendously with his self-confidence. Beyond all these sessions, based on the recommendations of the OT and teachers, we also engaged in external activities to help him generalize the skills he acquired during the school and therapy sessions. So lots of experimentation with different textures of food, clothing and tactile materials. And loads of vestibular stimulation in the form of rides in amusement parks and in cars, buses and planes even. And when he grew older, we started him on social stories and social scripts to help him along with his interaction with his peers. Visual schedules work great to help him structure his day and to promote predictability. We used to have it on cards and notebooks for him but when he grew older and got a bit self-conscious about his schedules, we recently got him a handphone so that he can have his schedule in the handphone. More age- and socially-appropriate, we thought. Recently, he told us he has a best friend. I was ecstatic. I mean – my ‘live in my own world and talk all day about my LEGO and World War II obsessions’ son, has a best friend?! WOW! 

So during one of the school events when we were in his school, he introduced his best friend to us and I could have hugged that wonderful boy for giving my son a chance at friendship. Well, there are hiccups. My son tells me that some days, he is more comfortable texting rather than talking directly to his friend so they text to each other even when they are face to face sometimes. Oh well – I guess we can work on that.

 

So you see, we were in denial for quite some time, but for the last few years, we learnt to accept - with a good understanding of his condition, being kind and tolerant – not just with him but also with ourselves and with others, and we used humour - in a kind way. I sometimes teased him that he is taking up my talk time when he talks non-stop about his World War II stuff and I still offer him hugs and do not get upset when he does not return or does not seem to want it. But every time he returns a hug, which is becoming more often these days, my heart melts. 

I also think it is important to have realistic expectations. My son will sit for the PSLE next year. My husband and I have had discussions with him on his grades and together, we have set high but realistic, achievable goals for his PSLE. This is because, even as I make accommodations for his special needs, I need him to know that he cannot and should not use his condition as an excuse to not push himself to greater heights and excel. 

I do all these because I will eventually move to my next stage of intervention with him – empowerment. We will all die someday. So before that time comes, I need my young man to not only be able to manage himself, but to eventually be independent and empowered enough to lead  a meaningful life, even when I am no longer with him. This may sound cliché but I want my son to not see the disabilities, but to be thankful for his abilities and celebrate and capitalise on those. And that is the same mind-set that I carry with me in my work with special needs now. I mean, God made all of us unique and wonderful, didn’t He? So we should likewise carry on with his work and let the world see what wonderful beings our individuals with special needs are. Yep, they truly are a WONDER.

Thank you.

Special thanks to this beautifully-spirited mum, who chose to share her heartwarming story with all of us. She chooses to remain anonymous, as she blesses us with her story.

Holiday Heartache

credits

It's 6.30am and I am awake. Mentally, I tell myself that it's a Sunday and I can sleep in. The holidays are here. In many households, the school holidays are a much anticipated time. A beautiful time for family bonding and trips overseas. But in our household, things are slightly different. The extra time, and lack of routine, causes instability and stress, to Ivan, and especially to me.

It's the first Sunday, the beginning of the week and the month that marks the June holidays. After attending a kid's birthday party last night, I turned in tired. I had no idea that today was going to be a rough one.I awake many times throughout the night, as baby Iggy needs his feed. So I try to catch up on sleep whenever I can. Iggy is a light sleeper, so I try to keep things quiet.

Somewhere, around 7am, Ivan enters my room, asking for his Ipod. I tell him that it's too early in the morning. On a regular school day, he knows that he gets it only after school. But now that it's the holidays, and he is well aware of it too, he is just trying his luck. After ten minutes, he enters my room asking for it again. I reply the same thing, and he leaves. I try to catch some sleep myself as Iggy is asleep. Ivan enters again after ten minutes, asking the same thing.

Trying to maintain the noise level, so that Iggy sleeps, and sending Ivan out each time, starts to get on my nerves. But still I try to tuck under the sheets and try to steal a nap.

Ivan comes in again, asking the same thing again.This goes on, where the intervals are shortened. I know that it's not his fault, but mine. I normally, always have a planned out schedule for the holidays. But with a new baby, I had not done so this time. I didn't want to lose it, so early in the morning, so I took long deep breathes to calm down. Finally, I locked my bedroom door, and hid the Ipod.

After sometime, when I opened the door to leave my room, I saw Ivan seated crossed legged, on the floor outside my room. It was such a sad sight. But he was not going to give up. He would keep asking me until he finally got it. 

I now have to plan something pronto for him to do, until noon when he gets his Ipod time. These are times, that are very trying for me, especially with a new baby. I feel so frustrated, that I just break down in tears. Each time Peter leaves for a job during the holidays, I feel the weight of a ton of bricks added onto my shoulders. But like a sliver lining in every dark cloud, I am encouraged by beautiful friends I found on FB. They send their love and concern to me, encouraging me.

Emotions After Baby

After childbirth, my emotions have been on a roller coaster ride. Some emotions I understand , but there are some that I am confused about and some that I am ashamed off. I found it harder to bounce back after baby number 3.

Breastfeeding

With my first two boys, I simply graced through breastfeeding them. I had to return to work after two months of maternity leave. But things are different now, I have been blessed to be a stay home mum with my third born. I had chosen to exclusively breastfeed, little Iggy, and with that came a lot of emotions, I was new to.

It was a struggle in the beginning, but soon it became a smooth ride. But after a couple of months, I began to notice something weird. With hubby away on a job assignment, I have the whole king sized bed to myself. Occasionally, I would allow Iggy to share the bed should I be tired for the night feeds. It would be wonderful bonding with him as he latched on to feed. But after the feed, I would move away from him allowing for some space between us and I would turn facing the other direction to sleep. It made me feel comfortable, but I felt bad. Should I not want to admire my baby when he is asleep? Why do I want to look away? At times I do admire him as he sleeps. But by the time its nightfall, I just want to be alone.

I felt guilty of being a bad mother... that was until I read this article. It helped me so much, so I wish to share it with you.

(“The baby is physically on you, sucking on you, cuddling you - leaving you ‘touched out’ by the end of the day,” Saltz says.)

Tell Him

Yet another great thing about this article, was about telling your husband how you feel. Of course he knows, that you have just had a baby, and of course he knows that you are going through some changes. But sometimes, it's nice to hear it from us, that we still love them the same and that we are attracted to them, but we are just not up to it right now. You will come around soon, let him know.

Being a new mum is tiring no matter how many times you do it. Look at this picture of me, in the third week of bringing baby home. Who thinks of anything but sleep! But after a couple of months, hubby will feel anxious about where he stands. Many new mums become obsessed with baby that they forget that they are wives too. Sometimes, we may be ready for intimacy but feel bad about how we look.

Hubby may not understand that you need your "swag" back too. Stretch marks and excess fat, don't make any woman feel sexy. So take some time, get back your groove and then, you are set. 

I was getting a pedicure when I read this article, I decided that I needed to share it with Peter, so I emailed it to him. I mean, how was he suppose to know my emotions, if I myself could not understand them. He read it and got a better understanding of what I was going through. 

He was so sweet that he suggested that we started to work out together. He was so encouraging and showed me that he was there for me. I needed that. The first thing, he suggested was, that I ditched all my maternity clothes. As comfotable as they were, I was stuck in a rut. I had to get out of them. 

After that, it was healthy eating and exercise. I am glad I read this article, I hope it helps you too.

Here's the link

http://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/features/your-sex-life-after-baby

Tide Between Brothers

Hi,

I am the elder brother of Ivan and living life alongside him, is not a simple task. I recall when I was younger, I was not very happy about how things went. Ivan would sit daily in his corner and play on the computer, while I had to sit across him and study. I had always found that treatment was unfair to me, due to the fact that Ivan was free all the time to play and to enjoy himself, while I was tied down by homework.

Upon reaching primary school, my brother was not attending mainstream school. In total, he had only needed to study for less than fifteen minutes a day. I would complain to my parents and they will try to explain to me that he was different and so he will be needed a different approach. Of course, I was not happy with that explanation!

I used to get embarrassed when Ivan would do crazy things in public. I would even pretend as if I did not know him. There was a phase I went through in my life, where I would just take it as I did not have a brother and I showed him no concern, despite being his older brother. 

Recently, we just had a new addition into our family, baby Iggy. After the birth of my youngest brother, I learned that it was my responsibility to watch over both my brother. That's why I decided to step up and so what I had to do. I came to understand my brother, Ivan and had to come to accept our differences. we got along better. However, even now we still have our conflicts. 

Living alongside autism, is not simple but with support from family and friends, it can be achieved. These special children hold more than what meets the eye. Ivan's development has been an amazing journey, as we all work together as a family to improve him.

 Here, is a shot of the two brothers, taken on one holiday.

This article was written by a fifteen year old sibling of a child with autism.
A great thank you to El.

It Gets Emotional

credits 

Upon the arrival of a diagnosis, there comes an involuntary surge of emotions. They may not be kind and may come one after another, or they may hit you a couple at a time. We are all different, and we process information, experiences and pain at a different pace. Our emotions may get the best of us at times. I feel that lady in the painting, with the colours signifying my blast of emotions.

- Disbelief

May be the first you could experience. Could it be true? Could my child really have this condition? Could he just be a late bloomer? Could the doctor be wrong? Maybe he is too young to be tested?

- Confusion

Now which do I chose? Who is the best? Am I doing the right thing? Can I afford all this? Can I continue with my job? When do I get help from? Who can help me?

- Denial

It's not happening to me? It will pass? I just have to go on with my life and it will disappear. Maybe if I just act blur, it will pass.

- Information overdose

Articles on the internet, so much of terminology. Books, information from cover to cover. Blogs of people and professionals. Advice from caring friends and relatives who may or may not know what they are talking about.

 

- Numbness

A surge of so much of emotions, that the only thing I can feel is numb. Some how the numbness, is less painful. I would rather linger in the numbness then to face reality.

- Isolation

Leave me alone! I can't take this anymore! I just want to be left alone. I need some time to myself to process all this. I don't feel like talking to anyone... forever!

- Loss

My child will never have a normal life. The hopes and dreams I have for him are all dead. Mourning the loss of what could be. My perfect dream child is gone.

- Shock

Oh my God, this is really happening, to us. A rise in heartbeats and you start to hyperventilate. You need a hug badly. You may be faint hearted and collapse when anxiety hits you too hard.

 

- Anger

A sense of rage. An anger that for some reason, you cannot direct. You feel that you are angry with anyone and everyone. You are always angry, with the universal for just being. You could be angry family that never was they to help you. Or maybe with God for not removing the situation.

- Guilt

Eventually, the anger directs you yourself. Did I do something wrong? Did I cause this? Could I have done something differently? You wallow in guilt and self pity for a while.

- Sadness

Lots of tears, they stream down abundantly.

All these are legitimate emotions that you can feel. Don't feel bad. Given the situation and responsibilities that you are shouldering, you can cut yourself some slack. Allow yourself some alone time to "lick your wounds". But be sure to pick yourself up when you are done. I always tell myself this, when I burn out, "You have already hit rock bottom, you can't possibly, go any lower. The only way to move is up." This always helps me, to pick myself up.

I would advice you to cry your heart out, smother yourself with chocolates and wine. Run a long warm, scented bath. Take deep breathes and tell yourself, you can do it. Have a good nap and wake up to a brand new day.

Does One Size Fit All?

What do you think? 

Autism... I still recall when this word was first introduced to me, years ago, I was at a total loss. I had never heard of this before. Back in the day, should something be amiss in a child, he would be termed retarded. And I asked myself, was my little boy retarded? How could I have not seen it?

A lot of questions filled my head, and a lot of pain filled my heart. I asked around, spoke to doctors but no one could give me a proper explanation. So, like anyone else today, I turned to the one source that would answer my question. The Internet! Yes, the internet was able to help me understand a little better. I read the terms and characteristics. The more I read, the more fearful and worried I became.

I took everything literally, but what I never understood, was that although my son had autism he was still a unique little boy.

"Every person who has autism is different. No two autistic people will have exactly the same symptoms. Some people have severe autism. A person with severe autism may not speak. He may not be able to do everyday tasks, such as dressing himself or using the bathroom by himself. He may nit be able to do everyday tasks, such as dressing himself or using the bathroom by himself. he may do odd or upsetting things, such as bang his head against the wall or chew on furniture.

Other people have less severe symptoms. They may be able to learn to do things to take care of themselves. They may learn to read and write. However, it can take a very long time for autistic children to learn new things.

Book: How to deal with Autism by Lynette Robbins

 
The  extract taken above explains it in mere layman terms. This is as simple as it gets. I slowly learned that I needed to take everything I read with a pinch of salt. Not everything was applicable to my son. So, I sieved out only important information that would be helpful to my son.

So, if you are a parent, who just found out that you child has some form of special needs, here's what I wish to share with you.

• take a deep breathe
• pray for strength
• read as much as you can about the condition
• speak to other parents in similar situations
• spot out which applies to your child
• love and enjoy your child
• it will  not be perfect, but in this world nothing is!

Take heart, my friends.

Do You Know Them All?

It can be very scary, when you are seated at the doctor's office and you are awaiting for him to tell you, "It's all going to be alright. your child will grow out if his condition." OR
"Your child is fine, there is nothing wrong with him, give him time."

But instead you hear, "I think your child has a condition called autism."

My eyes opened wide, and I felt my jaw hang loose for a second. I tool a slow swallow and grasped for air. Then I asked, "What is autism?", "Is he sick?", "Is he retarded?"

The doctor gave me a fairly brief explanation and sent me off. I felt numb all over, my heart was beating so fast, as if I was running a marathon. I stood motionless for awhile. I felt a surge of emotions. I knew one that I could identify was - devastation. I knew that Ivan had been diagnosed with something bad. But how bad, was bad....?

I went on the internet and tired to equip myself with the new term... to my surprise, I saw all these terms.

• nonverbal learning disorder
• attention deficit-hyperactivity disorder
• attnetion deficit disorder
• Tourette's
• obsessive-compulsive disorder
• sensory processing disorder
• gastrointestinal problems affecting behavior
• mental retardation

Only when I found out that my little boy had certain needs, did these unusual terms became visible to me. The only thing they seem to have in common is "disorder".

If you are a new parent, being exposed to these terms, don't be afraid. They cannot defeat you or your child. Be brave and read more,  you will soon find them to be just a bunch of words. Equip yourself with as much knowledge as you can.

In the months to come, you will find that we will comb through each topic to give you a better insight on these terms.