Share Your Experiences

 

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Many people have raised eyebrows, stating that our kids have too much Western influence in their lives. I, myself have adopted many Western habits and find that it works for me. At the same time, I choose to hold onto some of my traditional roots that I find valuable.

In the West, many people seek the help of therapists to help cope with their struggles. Personally, I don't like talking to a stranger about my problems, but if it works for you, then I am happy for you. However, I feel that should a person should not be labelled for getting the help they need.

You will find that a person going through depression, who seeks medical help, will not disclose it out of shame. Don't you think that all the more they will need a good support system. But the society shuns people who has gone to "Woodbridge" as it used to be known. Many termed it the loony bin. It has since evolved and lots of professionals there help people who are struggling to have a better life.

Seeing a physiologist, psychologists or a therapist is only for the better, why should it be a taboo.

When Ivan was younger and we had umpteen appointments with doctors, psychologists, etc. I was open about it, but many parents gave me the look, as to why do you tell people??? I mean I am helping my child, so why should I be ashamed. Likewise, many parents today, choose to maintain a tight-lip policy when it comes to such things. But why?

I am not saying announce it to the world, but if you can help recommend some help to someone else why not, offer. It's only going to make the world a better place.

I have encountered parents whose children have a speech impairment, but when I ask about how the child is doing, out of concern, they deny the fact that he had any problems. Later, I hear that he is attending "speech and drama" lessons aka therapy.

You should never be ashamed of your child or situation, your child is in. How can you expect others to accept your child, if you yourself cannot. Embrace life as it comes and overcome the obstacles. Remember that you don't have to do it alone. Open up to a handful of people that you can trust and build a support system. Reach out to others that are lost and encourage them with your success story. 

I kindly ask if you would use us as a platform, to share your experiences, to encourage others. Write to us ripplezblue@gmai.com

Emotions After Baby

After childbirth, my emotions have been on a roller coaster ride. Some emotions I understand , but there are some that I am confused about and some that I am ashamed off. I found it harder to bounce back after baby number 3.

Breastfeeding

With my first two boys, I simply graced through breastfeeding them. I had to return to work after two months of maternity leave. But things are different now, I have been blessed to be a stay home mum with my third born. I had chosen to exclusively breastfeed, little Iggy, and with that came a lot of emotions, I was new to.

It was a struggle in the beginning, but soon it became a smooth ride. But after a couple of months, I began to notice something weird. With hubby away on a job assignment, I have the whole king sized bed to myself. Occasionally, I would allow Iggy to share the bed should I be tired for the night feeds. It would be wonderful bonding with him as he latched on to feed. But after the feed, I would move away from him allowing for some space between us and I would turn facing the other direction to sleep. It made me feel comfortable, but I felt bad. Should I not want to admire my baby when he is asleep? Why do I want to look away? At times I do admire him as he sleeps. But by the time its nightfall, I just want to be alone.

I felt guilty of being a bad mother... that was until I read this article. It helped me so much, so I wish to share it with you.

(“The baby is physically on you, sucking on you, cuddling you - leaving you ‘touched out’ by the end of the day,” Saltz says.)

Tell Him

Yet another great thing about this article, was about telling your husband how you feel. Of course he knows, that you have just had a baby, and of course he knows that you are going through some changes. But sometimes, it's nice to hear it from us, that we still love them the same and that we are attracted to them, but we are just not up to it right now. You will come around soon, let him know.

Being a new mum is tiring no matter how many times you do it. Look at this picture of me, in the third week of bringing baby home. Who thinks of anything but sleep! But after a couple of months, hubby will feel anxious about where he stands. Many new mums become obsessed with baby that they forget that they are wives too. Sometimes, we may be ready for intimacy but feel bad about how we look.

Hubby may not understand that you need your "swag" back too. Stretch marks and excess fat, don't make any woman feel sexy. So take some time, get back your groove and then, you are set. 

I was getting a pedicure when I read this article, I decided that I needed to share it with Peter, so I emailed it to him. I mean, how was he suppose to know my emotions, if I myself could not understand them. He read it and got a better understanding of what I was going through. 

He was so sweet that he suggested that we started to work out together. He was so encouraging and showed me that he was there for me. I needed that. The first thing, he suggested was, that I ditched all my maternity clothes. As comfotable as they were, I was stuck in a rut. I had to get out of them. 

After that, it was healthy eating and exercise. I am glad I read this article, I hope it helps you too.

Here's the link

http://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/features/your-sex-life-after-baby

Widening Our Scope

A couple of years ago, when I was researching to start my business Hartwarmers, I realized that your brand reflects you. In other words you are your brand. Some businesses, build a fake front to lure you in. And I can understand that they are profit driven. But I think I rather stay true to myself. People who know me, will tell you that when it comes to me, I am an open book.

So even in my business and with my new project, Ripplezblue, I will follow through being me. I shall share with you my deepest emotions and fears too.

I had been debating with the fact, if I should add more topics into Ripplezblue, besides simply special needs.

I had just had a baby, and I am going through many emotional trials, just like any new mums. There are certain issues that I wish to share with you, as I realize that many can benefit from it. So I hope, my experiences can help many out there.

Tide Between Brothers

Hi,

I am the elder brother of Ivan and living life alongside him, is not a simple task. I recall when I was younger, I was not very happy about how things went. Ivan would sit daily in his corner and play on the computer, while I had to sit across him and study. I had always found that treatment was unfair to me, due to the fact that Ivan was free all the time to play and to enjoy himself, while I was tied down by homework.

Upon reaching primary school, my brother was not attending mainstream school. In total, he had only needed to study for less than fifteen minutes a day. I would complain to my parents and they will try to explain to me that he was different and so he will be needed a different approach. Of course, I was not happy with that explanation!

I used to get embarrassed when Ivan would do crazy things in public. I would even pretend as if I did not know him. There was a phase I went through in my life, where I would just take it as I did not have a brother and I showed him no concern, despite being his older brother. 

Recently, we just had a new addition into our family, baby Iggy. After the birth of my youngest brother, I learned that it was my responsibility to watch over both my brother. That's why I decided to step up and so what I had to do. I came to understand my brother, Ivan and had to come to accept our differences. we got along better. However, even now we still have our conflicts. 

Living alongside autism, is not simple but with support from family and friends, it can be achieved. These special children hold more than what meets the eye. Ivan's development has been an amazing journey, as we all work together as a family to improve him.

 Here, is a shot of the two brothers, taken on one holiday.

This article was written by a fifteen year old sibling of a child with autism.
A great thank you to El.

Iron Man 3

In everything there is always a follow up. It helps enhance the existing experience. With all the excitement from their 3D rides, Peter wanted to do a follow up with a full 3D movie.  And the one screening at the moment was Iron Man 3. This week Peter would be leaving for another job assignment. So before he left, he wanted to do a follow up with Ivan.

We introduced to Ivan the idea of sitting through a whole 3D movie. We told him that the show was called Iron Man. His brother El, helped him to download a game featuring the Iron Man. Ivan was very interested with the game and played it very well. 

The next step, was the movie. Peter took the boys down to the theater for the show. Baby and I stayed home, as we could not sit through. Ivan was excited, as he got his popcorn, and headed in.

In hand you will see that Ivan has his Lion King figurine one of this security items. He also had a couple more in his bag, along with his bottle of mineral water, his ear phones and Ipod, which are his basic materials.

 

  

Ivan had a great time at the movies! He spoke to me about the show and that he liked it very much. 

Peter shared with me, that as suspected, Ivan had used his ear phones during the show. It wasn't plugged in, but he wanted it in his ears. Always plan in advance your outing. Bring along whatever you think your child would need. 

It is important to plan an outing to the movies, that would minimize as much distraction as you can.

Here are some tips:

• Choose a school day to visit the movies, you will be able to avoid the rush of patrons
• Choose the first show for the same reasons
• Pick the last week of screening to avoid  a degree of the hassle and noise
• If possible choose a theater that has free seating, you child may want to choose a seat himself
• Prepare a jacket, as the theater would be extra cold with lesser people
• Bring along ear phones, or anything that you think your child would need to reduce the light or sound, should it affect your child alot
• Always talk to your child about going for the movies, before going
• Bring along security items that will help keep your child calm

If you find that your child cannot last through out the whole movie, it's okay. In the beginning, Ivan couldn't either. Either Peter or I would follow Ivan out and walk around the mall, until the rest had finished watching the movie. Should the theater be rather empty,I would allow Ivan to walk around a little. See what works for you, and what helps your child to be comfortable.

Good luck and enjoy experimenting new things with your child!

Stepping Out Of Our Comfort Zone

My last trip back in Singapore, was a quick one, but I managed to take my family to USS Sentosa. It was interesting, but we had to consider many things. We were a family of five, that comprises of one fifteen year old teenager, one thirteen year old boy with sensory issues and autism, and a little baby boy.

Having a son with autism, is always a challenge. As a parent I am sometimes guilty of looking at the cons rather than the pros. I want to change that and start looking at the positive. Every child is different, Ivan is special. He is a wonderful child, but has sensory issues, and autism, that he struggles with.

As his father, it is my duty to get him to explore as much as possible. Planning family outings used to be all about Ivan. But now we have a little one that we have to consider too. I wanted to bring the family to USS to enjoy the rides. So one of the biggest challenge with Ivan was to bring him for the 3D Transformer ride at USS. It is not easy and of course it was a great risk to take. Once, we were strapped in, we could not exit. Since, it was our first trip there, my wife suggested that we should not push Ivan, she is rather protective of him.

Since Ivan was a huge huge, fan of Shrek, my wife used that to ease in the outing.

While I was getting us tickets, my wife got Ivan some Shrek merchandise.

My elder son and I went for the 3D Transformer ride and it was awesome. I wanted to bring Ivan too, but after a discussion with my wife, I decided that we would prepare Ivan with this trip first. So I brought him to watch the Shrek 4D show instead. It was to get him to understand the graphic and movements in a 3D atmosphere. Ivan was a little unprepared in the beginning but as the show went on I notice him enjoying the new experience, by reaching out for the scene, as he watched in 3D.

Our first trip was a success, and I believe we had laid the foundation for the 3D ride.  So this time, when I returned to Singapore, we took another trip down to USS, Sentosa. I brought a bigger group of family reinforcements this time.

I was very determined that this time I was going to get Ivan onto the 3D ride. My wife asked me why I was so sure, I told her I just knew it. I had a gut feeling that he was ready for the 3D ride. It was a gamble I wanted to take. I spoke to him continuously about the ride. I ensured him that I was going to be with him all the way. I held him close throughout the whole ride, in order for him to feel protected and comforted. Although, he was afraid, he was able to watch the whole show and completed the ride.

Hurray, I was so happy that Ivan had made it. It was a huge achievement for our family. I pushed him and he excelled. I was so thrilled, that I wanted to share it with other parents my experience too.

As parents, we know our children best, but sometimes, we underestimate their strength and focus on their shortcomings. Let's step aside, and encourage them to grow.

I wish to share a few tips from my experience.

1. remove the fear from your heart before embarking on a new experience

2. know that it's not going to be easy, so take it easy if it doesn't go as planned

3. have prior conversations with your child about the new experience you have planned

4. pick a time that is off-peak so that you will have less people and less waiting time

5. bring along a "safety blanket" for your child

6. if your child is afraid of loud sounds, bring along ear mufflers

7. hold on and physically, assure your child as much as you can

8. if at first it doesnt go as planned, try again when you feel your child is ready

I hope my expreince has encouraged you to try new things with your child too.

by Peter Gomez

Give-Aways

Ripplezblue, is kick starting our give-aways. Our very first item, is an Ipod Nano.

So as our first step to reaching out to families that have a child/ children with special needs, we are giving away an Ipod Nano. (yipee)

Why an Ipod Nano?

Well, in the past, when Ivan was younger, I had problems settling him down on the trains and buses. We don't own a car and it was too costly to take the taxi, all the time. Trains and buses, were economical for us. But Ivan would get very distracted during the travel.  He would want to turn around and look out of the windows, or sometimes, he would want to get off his seat and walk around. He would hum, laugh and sometimes scream too. I would be very embarrassed as the other passengers gave me disapproving looks.

I started to get him toys to occupy himself, but it helped only for a few rides. As Ivan did have sensory issues too, the sounds around him triggered a lot of frustrations too. Then I discovered the Ipod. It served all the pruposes. I downloaded soothing music to calm him down. The earphones, helped block out the surrounding noises. I also downloaded pictures of his favourite things and used it like a PECs program.

Just recently, Peter, mentioned how, useful the Ipod has been in Ivan's life. And that's when we decided that we should, give away a few. So we are starting of with one give away to start the ball rolling.

 http://www.apple.com/ipod-nano/

How do you qualify for this give away?

Write in to us, on one challenging experience you have encountered with your child with special needs. 

Tell us your child's diagnosis and how you are helping him/her?

You may choose to stay anonymous if you want. When we publish your article, your names will be changed, all personal information will be confidential.

The story that touches us the most will receive the Ipod-Nano.

Closing date for this give-away is 31st July 2013.

You will be notified via email, should you win the prize.

So start writing and send your articles to ripplezblue@gmail.com.

Thanks